Whether you are a parent, teacher, or grandparent, we have all faced the same dilemma: How do you start—and sustain—a meaningful conversation with a child?
The answer is simpler than you think: You have to trick them.
I don’t mean this in a deceptive way, but in a “pedagogical” way. Most children (and, let’s be honest, most adults) recoil when a lesson feels too didactic or “preachy.” A heavy-handed lecture on “how you should act” is often rejected or forgotten, even if the advice is sound.
Tilling the Moral Soil
This is why I love fairy tales and fantasy. Stories serve as a plow, tilling up the “moral imaginative soil” of a child. They provide a framework for discussing virtue without using the word “virtue.”
In this model, your role shifts:
- From Speaker to Moderator.
- From Answer-Giver to Question-Asker.
The “Moderator” Method: Questions to Ask
Guiding a discussion within the safety of a story usually yields a much greater harvest than a lecture. Here are a few “Road Map” questions I use in my classroom after reading a fairy tale:
- The Identity Question: Is there a clear “good” or “bad” person in this story?
- The Logic Question: Why do you think they are good or bad? What did they do?
- The Justice Question: Is the good person rewarded? Is the bad person punished? Does that feel “fair” to you?
Don’t be afraid to get specific. Ask: “What do you think about how Snow White’s stepmother was punished? Does that seem right?” You might be surprised to find that children often have a much sharper sense of justice than adults do. They haven’t yet learned to “gray out” the world with excuses.
Being a Moral Road Map
In Tending the Heart of Virtue, Vigen Guroian writes:
“Children are vitally concerned with distinguishing good from evil and truth from falsehood… children need guidance and moral road maps and they benefit immensely with the example of adults who speak truthfully and act from moral strength.”
When we ask these questions, we aren’t suggesting that morality is relative. Instead, we are acting as a guide, helping them discover the “Solid Land” of goodness for themselves. We aren’t giving them the answers; we are helping them find the tools to reach the answers.
So, go ahead. Open a book. Ask a question. Explore the woods with them. Be the moral road map they are looking for.
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